Bust yer ass on this...

I realize the icy elements of this day are causing us all to be a little unsure on our feet, but this holiday season, the only thing that is going to make me fall down is imbibing in a shameful amount of Simpler Times.

This is my new favorite low brow beer, hell it's really my new favorite beer all the way around. I can't believe I lived in Wisconsin for five years and am only now discovering this Monroe brew. I owe this Eureka! moment to a couple of friends that traveled to Trader Joe's in Nashville smuggling the glorious beverage back with them for me to enjoy. Between the pilsner and the lager I say you can't go wrong either way, but my preference is the lager.

So if you find yourself surrounded by your loved ones this holiday season and being asked things like "When are you going get married?" "When are you going to have a baby?" Let this intoxicant take you back to Simpler Times when the only thing you cared to remember was hopefully his name in the morning.

Breakfast of Champions

God Bless Dave King and this craziness he ate for breakfast:


That's Diet Mountain Dew, 2 sausage biscuits and taquitos with hot sauce for those whose eyes just fell out of their sockets.
I can't say anything, as the following feast of Fried Shoestring Potatoes in a can, chocolate covered peanuts, JUMBO Iced Honey Bun, and Dill Pickle chips was the result of a recent late-night snaxtravaganza in which I challenged myself to choose one item from each aisle of the KenJo. Veggies (pickles and potatoes), Nuts, Honey, all very good for you. And I will now share an Eat Me secret: (microwave your Iced Honey Bun for 30 seconds and it becomes a delicacy straight from the pages of Culinary Couture. Is that a magazine? Because I think I made it up and I'm pretty proud.)

The Secret Four Loko Recipe

I can't wait for the first Four Loko prohibition cave bar to open somewhere deep in the Smoky Mountains, but until then, we'll be making our own using this trusty recipe shared by Cody Clark:

NOOOOOO!!!!!! Not my Four Loko!!!

I guess by now you've heard the stink about the looming FDA ban of Eat Me's favorite beverage, the delicious and nutritious Four Loko. We're stocking up for the long cold winter ahead, but when that runs out we'll be drinking C-Zurrrres!



Watch this awesome clip from The Colbert Report as you lick your wounds, I mean your Four Loko can.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Thought for Food - C-Zurrrre, Medal of Hunger Winner & Cheesercize
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election March to Keep Fear Alive

Gettin Slinky with Twinkies

In our Reader-Submitted Post of the Day, Morgan Fleming shares this little diet tip:

Hearts and Rainbows

I'm a little late on this one, but Lara Duren and David King (of the turtle bacon fame from posts-past) hosted a pre-Halloween pumpkin carving party complete with this table of goodies, including DORITOS and REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS, garnering a big thumbs up for the home team. I wish I could transport myself there now and bury my face in a bowl of Chex Mix.

Shit Bowl

We're broke again, and not even in the fun/experimental way. I wanna make a pie, but there's no sugar. I have white bread, but nothing to put on it except mustard. So I recently resorted to this microwaveable packet of Aloo Palak, hearty potatoes and spinach simmered in onions, tomatoes and spices. My ass! It tastes like shit. Seriously, like dirt-caked shit. I love Indian food, but this? Boo.