CHOCOLATE GRAVY FOR LIFE

This picture does not do this culinary wonder justice, but after a long night of playin, drinkin, karaoke'in, fightin, and general rabblerousin, a suitable breakfast was necessary. Last weekend we went to Shoney's hoping for the Breakfast Bar, and all we got was the Meat Bar of shrimp, boiled ham, chicken wings, fried chicken, fish sticks, "ribs", and Shoney's mini ham cubes for your Shoney's salad which you HAVE to put chow mein noodles on or it's just not right. Well, that was last week. THIS WEEK, it was all bacon and eggs and Southern Style biscuits with CHOCOLATE GRAVY.
Here's the recipe:
1 cup sugar
3 TB cocoa
5 TB flour
1 1/2 cups milk
1 cup water
1/2 stick butter
Mix the sugar, cocoa, flour, milk and water in a pan over medium heat. Whisk it like your life depends on it. Keep whisking. Whisk for 30 minutes or more until it's almost like pudding. Take it off the heat and add the butter. Stir. Dollop it on your biscuits with generous gluttony. You should ignore the fact that there is 1/2 a stick of butter in there, and butter your biscuits, too. Eat. Smile. Be Happy. Be Full. Take the leftovers to a party where no one knows what chocolate gravy is. Eat their potato casseroles and squash casseroles and homemade pesto and turkey meatloaves and drink their liquor. Watch as your chocolate gravy sits unattended and unappreciated. Take it home after the party and eat it with a spoon before you go to bed. Eat it in bed if you want to. Because IT IS AWESOME.

Tofu. Polenta. What?

So we don't always eat total shit. Josh developed another Bare Cabinet Concoction, this one featuring marinated, baked tofu on a bed of polenta with corn kernels, drizzled in a tomato sauce compote (not really - I don't know what compote is, but I watch a lot of Top Chef), and garnished with the four or five spinach leaves in the fridge that weren't slimy. It was good, and it saved us from splitting a 4 oz. pack of microwaveable grits for dinner.

How to Molest a Meatloaf, Memphis-style

Memphians Kirk and Teresa made this lovely Turkey Meatloaf Penis



And Memphian Mike Smith made meatloaf muffins!

Members Only

We were given permission (three separate times) from all-around awesome Zach Hall to share this lovely montage of his first KFC Double Down experience. From the horse's mouth: "The doubledown is another level of delicious. it makes me put aside all of my earthly concerns, and just bask in the sublime, fat tub." That's what it's all about. Voila!

Meat Turtle

Stolen without permission from the fabulous Lara Duren whose family apparently made this during a recent trip to Portland - I'm a very sneaky stalker.
See it. Believe it.

The Cheesiest, Graviest, Best Poutine Around

This is a little too close to "poontang" for my comfort. Thanks to Alyssa Wolitzky in Vancouver for bringing this culinary mess to my attention.

Raw Power Roadtrip...

This weekend a couple of gals and myself went to Chicago for a punk rock show. We came back with slightly fatter heinies and some major hearing loss.

If you want to know to how survive on the open road just look at this spread we devoured at the Cowboy's Food Stores gas station in Frankfort, Kentucky.

At least one member of our trio was quite impressive in her ability to plan ahead. She brought an amazing taco salad -- and as a side note, should you ever find yourself stuck in middle of Kentucky sans hot sauce, look no further than El Sabroso's Pork Rinds that come with a delicious pack of hot sauce.

If you eat on the picnic bench in front of Cowboy's on a Friday night, you'll be able to indulge in a lil' live music entertainment emanating from Miquel's next door. Enjoy your time in lovely Frankfort.

Once arriving in Chicago, we ate our weight-in burritos and bodega food, as well as some sort of over priced tapas style scallops from a place that serves hipsters head cheese and pork belly. I could show you photos, but just look at some gruppie blog for that...

On a side note - we heard someone get shot while sitting out in the cool night air enjoying said scallops, just a few doors down, ahhh, big city living...terrifying.

Also, if you're in search for weight loss schemes and ran across this blog, I introduce thee to Iggy Pop's methodology for staying trim at 62 -- constant swivel hip skipping on stage, hollaring, crowd surfing, a daily regiment of tanning mixed with semi-synthetic opiates and crystalline tropane alkaloids -- get your shake appeal on friends and you too can still indulge in all the chocolate shakes you can handle from K'town to Chi'town.