Friday, January 28, 2011

Shit on a Shingle!!!

After reading this recent Facebook thread among a ragtag group of Knoxvillians, you'll see why Eat Me is so wildly popular in these parts. People are demanding t-shirts and books and cookbooks and autographs and it's getting out of hand.

You'll notice my inquiry has been left unanswered, probably out of disgust that I am unfamiliar with this delicacy, so I did my own research and now you too, and I, can enjoy SHIT ON A SHINGLE

Good God, that name is appropriate.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Heavy Metal Mocha

Awhile back I strolled into Java for a morning shot of caffeine and was delighted to find my friend Pete behind the counter. Java is the best coffee shop in Knoxville, with the most intelligent and awesome owners and best baristas in town, as far as I'm concerned. Pete, being a long time reader and supporter of EatMeKnoxville knew exactly was the double master wants, a HEAVY METAL MOCHA. No my eyes didn't bleed out, but I did fly through my workday with the assistance of his delicious brew and the massive sounds of Slayer.

Pete is not only a master of the froth, but also the canvas! His art is up for the rest of the month at Java! Go see it and request a heavy metal mocha, your mind and heart will be blown. PLEASE NOTE: Just minutes after posting this I was informed that this awesome creation was invented by Maggie Clark! Kudos to you, Maggie, Hot damn, that girl is a master of the froth, the rock and the badonkadonk! Her all around badassedness makes me want to give her an EatMeKnoxville high five the next time we cross paths.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Cocktail of the DAY: Sunny D and Rum

So here's a lady singing about my favorite cocktail of the day. Now she doesn't give her exact recipe out, but it's probably something like 4 parts rum, a splash of Sunny D. I suspect it will be the next big thing to fill the void that the federal government has left us with since the prohibition on 4 Loko.
And she just made it up! Just like that! I owe this gem of a cocktail find to my friend Hunter!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Squeez Bacon mysteries solved! Part 2!

So we left everyone hanging yesterday with some unsolved mysteries on the Squeez Bacon tip. This Swedish delicamonstrosity has our brains all twisted and confused, and further research only left bigger and badder questions. So I turned to the horse's mouth, Bjorn Lofgren, a Swede from Sweden, to clear some things up. Here's Bjorn standing in front of what I'm sure is Sweden's most famous castle:

And here are his answers!

1. What does "Aldrig kommer att ge dig upp!" mean?
It's a bit "Swenglish" word order, but the meaning is "I will never give up on you!" (as in Squeez Bacon, I will never give up on you! WOW.)

2. Do Swedes eat a lot of Squeez Bacon? If so, what do you put it on?
I've never heard of that Squeeze Bacon of yours. If it actually exists I guess people here as well as over there will use it as normal Bacon.

3. Who is your favorite Swedish person?
Hmm.. Besides family, friends and so on I'd say amongst others: Leif GW Persson (a quite odd, somewhat grumpy yet in my opinion very funny criminologist), Astrid Lindgren (author, perhaps you've heard of books like Pippi Långstrump (Pippi Longstocking, The Lion Hearts Brothers and so on?), Bob Hund (band who sings in swedish with a southern ("skånsk") accent).
Bjorn proceeds to helpfully provide the following links for us ignorant Americans, although I have to say I am a big Bob Hund fan:


Our correspondence was then interrupted by the following:

Oops.. I got a bit carried away looking at Bob Hund live clips... They're one of my all time favourite bands.

4. Is there anything grosser than Squeez Bacon?
I can think of many things that are grosser than Squeeze Bacon, but it's something I'd think twise before trying even if it came in a veggie version. True story: One night about two years ago, I dreamed about vegetarian "Pytt i panna" (a mix of meat, potatoes, vegetables that I never ever think I'd heard of before). When I woke up that morning laughing a little bit from the dream that was quite strange over all, I thought, well there are a lot of veggie substitutes (soja sausage etc) out there, but why hasn't anyone thought of making veg pytt i panna, since it's a traditional and customary dish...? That might be a good "invention" and business concept, I thought. Later that afternoon on my way home from uni a friend and I stopped by at a supermarket, and guess if I was surprised when I found just vegetarian pytt i panna... I can almost swear that i previous to that day had never ever heard of that product. Pretty weird coincidence...

5. What does "Jatte gott" mean?
Jättegott means delicious

Well, there you have it. Squeez Bacon, I can't decide if I will ever give up on you, even if you are Jättegott.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

SQUEEZ BACON: "Never come to give you up!" or... something

You know how we love squeez-cheez, but now there's this:

I first assumed it was a work of fiction, but I refuse to post anything without doing my homework, so a quick click on that link up there will take you to more information about Vilhelm Lilleflask's Squeez Bacon than you ever wanted to know. It's creating a whirlwind of internal conflict as I struggle to reconcile the image and information before me, and figure out how we got to this point as a species.
For example:
A) "This is fully cooked 100% bacon paste that can be squeezed from a tube"
B) This is "paradigm-shifting"
C) "This delicious delectable from Sweden has finally been brought over to the USA - now with American Flavor!" What is this dreaded "American Flavor"?? I'm scared.
D) It claims to be "simply the tastiest bacon food product (that's BFP for future reference) ever made. Did you know that it's rumored ABBA met while eating Squeez Bacon® sandwiches? And even IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad (we've heard) never travels without a case! He loves it on his American style meatballs. Ojojoj!"
E) WTF is Ojojoj?!?!?! How do I say it and in what setting is it an appropriate exclamation? It sounds dirty: "I walked in on my roommate having sex and Ojojoj!" Also, since when are ABBA and IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad the chosen spokespeople for ANYTHING? Since you're Swedish? Does Dolph Lundgren eat this shit? (Yes, he's Swedish, despite what Rocky IV might lead you to believe - if you're doubtful, do what I did and visit Wikipedia's List of Swedish People)
F) The website claims that each serving is "as healthy as real bacon, and equivalent to 4 premium slices of bacon! You can put it on sandwiches, pizza, pastas, bacon, soups, pies, eat it hot or cold (warm Squeez Bacon® on toasted rye is to die for), substitute it for bacon in your recipes, or even eat it right out of the tube like we do! If it's edible, it's better with Squeez Bacon®." And for those trademark thieves out there, don't think you can put your bacon bits in a tube and call it Squeez Bacon CAUSE THAT SHIT IS A REGISTERED TRADEMARK, YO!
G) I have now rendered your visit to the website useless by indiscriminately cutting and pasting the entire thing here, but we'll continue:
H) The now-totally-copied-verbatim website also states, "In the immortal words of Vilhelm Lillefläsk, "Aldrig kommer att ge dig upp!" Once you get a taste of Squeez Bacon®, you'll know exactly what he meant." According to my handy Internet translator at, our ole buddy Vilhelm was trying to say, "Never come to give you up!" and even without trying Squeez Bacon(R), I think I know exactly what he meant.

I) Finally, I give you this:
Product Features
Each tube contains 21oz (595g) of Squeez Bacon®.
16 servings - equivalent to 64 slices of bacon!
Bottled in Sweden, made from U.S. bred swine.
Shelf Life of 12 years.
No refrigeration needed.

Jätte gott! (which my online translator oh-so-conveniently tells me means "Jatte well" - Live well? Eat well? Be well? Die well? WTF does Jatte mean?? I'm gonna follow up on this piece by interviewing my real live Swedish friend Bjorn Lofgren for actual translation and to get a Swede's perspective on this abomination/gift from heaven. Stay tuned for Part 2...

Monday, January 10, 2011

Noshville or Bust

So, this was Josh's birthday lunch at Noshville on 21st in yes, Nashville, where we ate pastrami-piled-on-potato-pancake sandwiches and Monte Cristos, which for those who don't know, is a ham and turkey melt fried inside a french toast/funnel cake ball and coated with powdered sugar and my head just exploded. It was all SO GOOD, and according to the Jersey Boy, not a bad Southern rendition of a New York deli as it claims to be. The snow has blinded my brain and I can no longer type succinct sentences, so I suggest you get a map. Of my brain. And a sandwich. Because now you're hungry.

Pineapple Dick Rings

I made these for Josh's birthday party last weekend, and stole the idea from Amy Sedaris's new book "Simple Times". She calls it Crafty Candle Salad but it's obviously Pineapple Dick Rings. The key is using at least 3 pineapple rings to support your "shaft" and I encourage excessive use of whipped cream and the special touch of maraschino cherry balls. I have "you can do me in the mornin, you can do me in the night, you can do me when you wanna do me, the girl is gonna do me" stuck in my head now.

Here's Abby, Andrew and Liz demonstrating the proper way to enjoy these delicacies.