Nyquil Sundae

With flu season approaching, perhaps you need to figure out a way to down your Nyquil in a more satisfying way. Or just when you thought you were too mature for the good old days of robo-tripping, an adult treat has stumbled into your psyche thanks to LifeHacker. Let the flu season and the cough syrup dreams begin! Here's to over the counter hallucinogens! Enjoy!

What's inside? Here's the recipe:

1 tablespoon / dose cup of Nyquil
1 piece spearmint Candy
2 tablespoons of water
Vanilla ice cream
Cool Whip frozen topping
Chocolate sauce
1 strawberry

For the complete directions visit:

http://lifehacker.com/5848319/turn-unpalatable-medicine-into-a-delicious-dessert

Deep Fried Kool-Aid Balls

That's what I said.
In other Kool-Aid related news, check out this awesome comic

Regarding Smoky Links

Thank you Jason Groth (and Cher from Bettendorf?), for sharing this:

Canned corn beef shortage ends

Q: Can you find the reason stores no longer stock canned corned beef? There’s the hash but nothing else. Also, why Oscar Mayer doesn’t produce Smoky Links anymore. There are cocktail size, but that’s it.
— Cher, Bettendorf
A: Ruth Comer, spokeswoman for Hy-Vee Foods, said their stores now are carrying canned corned beef after about a year without it. Last May, she said there was a nationwide shortage “so the product was out of stock most of the time.”
“Now, production is back up to normal and warehouses are stocked. If you can’t find it in a store, you can ask them to order it because our warehouses have them,” she said.
The shortage was due to a recall of some canned corned beef produced in Brazil. She said some corned beef was tested, and it was determined some contained a drug used to treat cows for parasites. The U.S. Food, Safety and Inspection Services halted all imports of canned corned beef into this country from Brazil until recently.
Regarding Smoky Links, Joyce Hodyl, corporate spokeswoman for Kraft Foods, which owns Oscar Mayer, said: “We had a loyal following for the product, but not enough to sustain production of them.”

Well, we failed on that front. But viva la canned corn beef!

THIS IS MY POINT

Crazy Alcohol Rainbow Pig

Awesome things about this video:
1. Four Loko is described as "alcoholic unicorn blood"
2. It is about chili
3. "Bacon's on sale, so we get it all"
4. "Someone's gonna die tonight eating chili"
5. The use of Ms. Vicki's Jalapeno Chips
6. BACON TROUGH
7. "Dominant species mixes inferior species in a pot... to eat"
8. A BACON CUP that incorporates basketweaving techniques. Only it's baconweaving.
9. Fries and cheese. Mountains of chili. Deep-fried Jalapeno chip-coated cheesesticks OH MY GOD
10. "Drizzle some Four Loko into the orifices"
11. BACON CUP OF FOUR LOKO
12. He eats it with a paddle
13. "Tastes like crazy alcohol rainbow pig"
Eat Me hands over the reins to Epic Meal Time. Sigh.
Also check out:
Fast Food Lasagna
Meatball Deathstar cause "It's been awhile since I had the meat sweats" featuring "Vegetables! (Sorry, green decorative bullshit)" and "Pancetta! Cause bacon was busy. We still cool, though"
and
Breakfast of Booze in which we cut up some ham and wrap it in bacon and deep fry it in beer batter. With chocolate chip bacon beer waffles - "That's smart."
WE USED A LOT OF JACK DANIELS. A LOT. CAUSE WE DON'T FUCK AROUND AT BREAKFAST.
Sorry this post is a rambling quotefest, but I am beside myself over this shit.

Before You Eat a Cicada...

I was in Middle Tennessee this Memorial Day weekend, and the cicadas are out in full MF'in effect. They're swarming everywhere (is swarming a word?) and they are so loud I feel like I'm losing my mind.
So now people are eating them. This article from Nashville highlights how two adventurers decided to throw them on the grill and eat them like popcorn:
"You know people really eat them,” she recalled, talking over dinner recently. “One of our relatives even said they taste really good with tempura batter and buttermilk.” Later that evening, they were in the yard with a pair of tongs, and then over a skillet of butter, garlic and red-eyed critter.
Surprisingly, it turns out the cicada comes from the Arthropoda group of creatures along with lobster, shrimp, crayfish and crab. Leading the Tennessean to share these tips:

Before you eat a cicada

CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR. The University of Maryland recommends consulting with your physician before consuming cicadas. Pesticides and other chemical accumulation is possible, though it should not pose a problem unless large amounts of the insect are eaten. The nutritional content also is unknown, so please take special caution if you have other food allergies such as soy, nuts, or shellfish, or contact allergies to other insects.

CHOOSE WISELY. Newly hatched cicadas called tenerals are considered best for eating because their shells have not yet hardened. Collect them in the early hours of the morning just after they have emerged, but before they have time to climb out of reach. Simply scoop them into a brown paper bag.

BLANCHE OR BOIL. Cicadas should be blanched (or boiled for 4-5 minutes) before eating and soon after they have been collected. Blanching helps their insides solidify a bit and will reduce the chance of any soil bacteria that could be living on or in them.
Source: Jenna Jadin and University of Maryland Cicadamaniacs, 2004.

Let me just point out that when cicadas shed their exoskeleton, they leave this shit behind on tree branches everywhere:


I think I'll sit this one out.

I Love Sweet P's So Much I Want to Take it Out Behind the Middle School and Get it Pregnant

Sweet P's BBQ and Soul House at 3725 Maryville Pike is aptly named because yes, there is BBQ, and yes, it will soothe your soul and make you want to build a house made out of BBQ where you eat it and your soul gets covered and drowns in BBQ sauce and you die and your soul goes to BBQ heaven, which you find out when you arrive is just another Sweet P's in the sky. I'm pretty sure that's what the name implies.
What you see before you is a picture that does not do justice to the deliciousness it represents. I wanted to eat this so bad, I couldn't even wait to take a proper picture before diving in, and when I finally took a break, this is what was left. For a second, before I ate the rest.
This plate was overloaded with pork burritos, tater salad and macaroni and cheese with a side of fried pickles and PBR tallboys to wash it all down. Does it get any better? No, it really doesn't. Well, it might - we didn't have room for the banana pudding, which is really regrettable. So let's examine the evidence:
Exhibit A: Pork burritos. Fat. Delicious. Look at those beans.
Exhibit B: The macaroni and cheese. I don't know what they do to this shit, but it's amazing. Did you see the cheese blanket? Look at that cheese blanket.
Exhibit C: The tater salad. That's what they call it. I call it heaven. Look at that tater salad.
Exhibit D: Fried pickles. Everyone knows spears beat chips, but Sweet P's has it all figured out. Did you notice the perfectly golden fried exterior? Look at that perfectly golden fried exterior.
Exhibit E: The ramekin of orange sauce. I don't exactly remember, but I think was a chipotle something for the fried pickles. I prefer honey mustard, but let's stick with the theme. It was delicious. Look at that ramekin of orange sauce.
Exhibit F: The outdoor environment with PBR. They have a patio. Overlooking a marina. They offer musical entertainment. And they cater. And one of the guys who works there looks like a young Jason Lee.
Case closed.

TV's Ron Swanson references Eat Me on Jimmy Fallon!

Check out 1:35 of this video - he gets our name slightly wrong, but everyone agrees "it's a great food blog."

Basically, Ron Swanson is the best thing ever and Eat Me's best spokesperson. Here's further proof:
Would you like to sample our vegan bacon?
Give me ALL the bacon and eggs you have
Salad is for rabbits
I love Food n Stuff
You had me at Meat Tornado
A true American hero. We salute Ron fucking Swanson.

Sophie's Choice Dog Treats

Sara Baker and Eric Dawson alerted me this week to Sophie's Choice dog treats, a questionably named product available only in Australia, but with flavor names like "Dapples" and "PeeBees". I have two dogs and I assume that if I buy Sophie's Choice dog treats for my pets, one gets the treat and the other must die.
For further reading on this topic, I recommend the "Explanation of Biscuit Sizing."

The Official EAT ME Shirt

This picture is obviously a setup, but I would like to point out that upon closer inspection, the computer area includes a bottle of Jameson (awesome) and a bottle of lotion (not awesome).

Peanut Butter Cheese WTFudge

I lurv Paula Deen, ya'll, but this?!

Ingredients
1/2 pound sliced easy-melt cheese (recommended: Velveeta)
1 cup (2 sticks) butter
1 cup creamy peanut butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup chopped nuts
2 (16-ounce) boxes confectioners' sugar

1/2 pound of easy melt cheese and 2 boxes of confectioner's sugar in one recipe. I'm struggling to abide. Has Eat Me met its match? Lost its way? My brain hurts.

Fried Egg Nestled in Donut. That is All.

Nikki Hamblin says, "yes that is a fried egg...yes it is nestled inside a donut. yes it is terribly wrong."

Green Acres Flea Market!

Next to the Pilot Light, I think Green Acres is my very favorite place in Knoxville. Every sunny and even slightly warm weekend, its parking lot is full of A) crazy cars like this one abiding by no traffic laws or safety concerns

B) awesome shit like this for sale


and C) FOOD. There are dozens of taquerias, a shaved ice stand that makes people go crazy and several produce stands where you can load up a cardboard box full of 2 weeks of groceries for less than $20. Especially if you like cactus leaves and peppers and plantains. We had pork flatuas and beef tongue tacos with Jaliscos de lima in a lovely booth overlooking the Porn Shack and Shaved Ice stand. Success!

Wendy's Chicken Sandwiches get the Moby Stamp of Approval

He really likes pizza, but I think Eat Me's going for a life-time of free food from Wendy's or something...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Is this asking you to "be my valentine" or "be my valentine cake?" Regardless, nothing says "I love you" like a Little Debbie and a glass of chocolate milk, eh?

Paparazzi Spies "Eat Me" Blogger Doing "Eat Me" Things

That's my girl Liz enjoying a giant Molson Canadian and hot dog slathered in yellow mustard with a side of fries while celebrating Star Wars Night at the Knoxville Icebears hockey game.

Super Bowl Sunday the Eat Me Way

The rule was to bring a dish of strange bedfellows, but I broke that rule after drinking at the Big Bad Oven show all day and subsequently not giving a shit about what I ate as long as it had meat in it. So I give you our Super Bowl Snack Spectacular:

You'll notice a giant bowl of Doritos (an absolute must), Reuben Dip, Spinach Cupcakes, Turkey Bacon Pinwheels, and Hawaiian Honey Hammys, along with an array of beer and tobacco products. This does not include the Balsamic Vinaigrette-marinated steak Dave cooked up at halftime. A feast for the eyes and the belly.

Laura Rogers stuck to the rules and made these delicious Spinach Cupcakes with Spinach Dip icing and Olive garnish! Magnifico. I just ate two leftovers while typing this. Lara and David's dog licked some icing off one and I think we quickly forgot which one it was, and probably ate it.

This is my Reuben Dip, a recipe originally procured from Hilary Trenda, and one that I find makes everyone lose their minds with edible ecstasy. It's basically chopped corned beef, mayo, sour cream?, sauerkraut, swiss cheese, and the all-important ingredient of caraway seeds. Serve with cocktail rye bread. You fancy, huh.

Behold the Candwich

We missed the boat on the Candwich, a "new and innovative sandwich product." Will Fist says there's a ham sandwich in every can of beer, but this is taking things a little far:

BBQ Chicken Drink! Coming soon: Pepperoni Pizza Drink! It appears to be marketed to children, hikers, and construction workers, a homogenous target market in that each cohort.... likes... peanut butter and jelly drinks?
In other news, while researching this post, (i.e. Googling "is there really a ham sandwich in every can of beer"), I uncovered the Ham Sandwich Theorem, which refers to "the special case when n = 3 and the three objects are a chunk of ham, a slice of cheese, and two slices of bread (treated as a single disconnected object).
The theorem then states that it is possible to slice the ham and cheese sandwich in half such that each half contains the same amount of bread, cheese, and ham. It is possible to treat the two slices of bread as a single object, because the theorem only requires that the portion on each side of the plane vary continuously as the plane moves through 3-space."
This can sometimes lead to the "ham sandwich problem" which I don't understand and thus won't try to explain because it has something to do with an algorithm computing a dimensional hyperplane.
The ham sandwich theorem has no relationship to the "squeeze theorem" which, upon further research, is also known as the Two Policemen and a Drunk Theorem, and I am not making this up, and I have veered way off course from the Candwich and can't find my way home.
This is what happens when you take a break from grantwriting.

Cadbury Creme Eggs Benedict

This concoction includes stacks of doughnut, brownie, melty Creme Eggs (complete with oozing yolk!), and a topping of rich frosting, all accompanied by a mound of fried pound cake to give the effect of side potatoes. WTF.
I think I'm gonna throw up.

Wendy's Training Videos are all the rage these days

"And when you're rea-dy for some hot tea, get a cup and fill it up, it's ea-sy as can be"
Thanks to Jen Rock and Julia Hungerford for sharing these highly entertaining Wendy's training videos, which seem to assume that making up a song about how to brew coffee will ensure employee efficiency. One of my best friends in high school worked at Wendy's and we enjoyed free chicken sandwiches and Frostys to our heart's content. She also had the experience of someone in the drive-thru asking what was in the Chili, Chips and Cheese. Uh, it's chili, chips, and cheese. Enjoy!
Update: Eat Me blogger Liz Albertson's cousin apparently met her husband while working at a Wendy's, so forget Craigslist and eHarmony and go get an application today. And slip me a Double Stack on the side.

Shit on a Shingle!!!

After reading this recent Facebook thread among a ragtag group of Knoxvillians, you'll see why Eat Me is so wildly popular in these parts. People are demanding t-shirts and books and cookbooks and autographs and it's getting out of hand.


You'll notice my inquiry has been left unanswered, probably out of disgust that I am unfamiliar with this delicacy, so I did my own research and now you too, and I, can enjoy SHIT ON A SHINGLE

Good God, that name is appropriate.

Heavy Metal Mocha

Awhile back I strolled into Java for a morning shot of caffeine and was delighted to find my friend Pete behind the counter. Java is the best coffee shop in Knoxville, with the most intelligent and awesome owners and best baristas in town, as far as I'm concerned. Pete, being a long time reader and supporter of EatMeKnoxville knew exactly was the double master wants, a HEAVY METAL MOCHA. No my eyes didn't bleed out, but I did fly through my workday with the assistance of his delicious brew and the massive sounds of Slayer.

Pete is not only a master of the froth, but also the canvas! His art is up for the rest of the month at Java! Go see it and request a heavy metal mocha, your mind and heart will be blown. PLEASE NOTE: Just minutes after posting this I was informed that this awesome creation was invented by Maggie Clark! Kudos to you, Maggie, Hot damn, that girl is a master of the froth, the rock and the badonkadonk! Her all around badassedness makes me want to give her an EatMeKnoxville high five the next time we cross paths.

Cocktail of the DAY: Sunny D and Rum

So here's a lady singing about my favorite cocktail of the day. Now she doesn't give her exact recipe out, but it's probably something like 4 parts rum, a splash of Sunny D. I suspect it will be the next big thing to fill the void that the federal government has left us with since the prohibition on 4 Loko.

And she just made it up! Just like that! I owe this gem of a cocktail find to my friend Hunter!

Squeez Bacon mysteries solved! Part 2!

So we left everyone hanging yesterday with some unsolved mysteries on the Squeez Bacon tip. This Swedish delicamonstrosity has our brains all twisted and confused, and further research only left bigger and badder questions. So I turned to the horse's mouth, Bjorn Lofgren, a Swede from Sweden, to clear some things up. Here's Bjorn standing in front of what I'm sure is Sweden's most famous castle:

And here are his answers!

1. What does "Aldrig kommer att ge dig upp!" mean?
It's a bit "Swenglish" word order, but the meaning is "I will never give up on you!" (as in Squeez Bacon, I will never give up on you! WOW.)

2. Do Swedes eat a lot of Squeez Bacon? If so, what do you put it on?
I've never heard of that Squeeze Bacon of yours. If it actually exists I guess people here as well as over there will use it as normal Bacon.

3. Who is your favorite Swedish person?
Hmm.. Besides family, friends and so on I'd say amongst others: Leif GW Persson (a quite odd, somewhat grumpy yet in my opinion very funny criminologist), Astrid Lindgren (author, perhaps you've heard of books like Pippi Långstrump (Pippi Longstocking, The Lion Hearts Brothers and so on?), Bob Hund (band who sings in swedish with a southern ("skånsk") accent).
Bjorn proceeds to helpfully provide the following links for us ignorant Americans, although I have to say I am a big Bob Hund fan:
http://prettohoror.blogg.se/images/2010/634844100_116777633.gif

ttp://www.openspace.ru/m/photo/2009/09/18/astrid_lindgren_b.jpg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QN1SnY4Gs3U&feature=related

Our correspondence was then interrupted by the following:

Oops.. I got a bit carried away looking at Bob Hund live clips... They're one of my all time favourite bands.

4. Is there anything grosser than Squeez Bacon?
I can think of many things that are grosser than Squeeze Bacon, but it's something I'd think twise before trying even if it came in a veggie version. True story: One night about two years ago, I dreamed about vegetarian "Pytt i panna" (a mix of meat, potatoes, vegetables that I never ever think I'd heard of before). When I woke up that morning laughing a little bit from the dream that was quite strange over all, I thought, well there are a lot of veggie substitutes (soja sausage etc) out there, but why hasn't anyone thought of making veg pytt i panna, since it's a traditional and customary dish...? That might be a good "invention" and business concept, I thought. Later that afternoon on my way home from uni a friend and I stopped by at a supermarket, and guess if I was surprised when I found just vegetarian pytt i panna... I can almost swear that i previous to that day had never ever heard of that product. Pretty weird coincidence...

5. What does "Jatte gott" mean?
Jättegott means delicious

Well, there you have it. Squeez Bacon, I can't decide if I will ever give up on you, even if you are Jättegott.

SQUEEZ BACON: "Never come to give you up!" or... something

You know how we love squeez-cheez, but now there's this:

I first assumed it was a work of fiction, but I refuse to post anything without doing my homework, so a quick click on that link up there will take you to more information about Vilhelm Lilleflask's Squeez Bacon than you ever wanted to know. It's creating a whirlwind of internal conflict as I struggle to reconcile the image and information before me, and figure out how we got to this point as a species.
For example:
A) "This is fully cooked 100% bacon paste that can be squeezed from a tube"
B) This is "paradigm-shifting"
C) "This delicious delectable from Sweden has finally been brought over to the USA - now with American Flavor!" What is this dreaded "American Flavor"?? I'm scared.
D) It claims to be "simply the tastiest bacon food product (that's BFP for future reference) ever made. Did you know that it's rumored ABBA met while eating Squeez Bacon® sandwiches? And even IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad (we've heard) never travels without a case! He loves it on his American style meatballs. Ojojoj!"
E) WTF is Ojojoj?!?!?! How do I say it and in what setting is it an appropriate exclamation? It sounds dirty: "I walked in on my roommate having sex and Ojojoj!" Also, since when are ABBA and IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad the chosen spokespeople for ANYTHING? Since you're Swedish? Does Dolph Lundgren eat this shit? (Yes, he's Swedish, despite what Rocky IV might lead you to believe - if you're doubtful, do what I did and visit Wikipedia's List of Swedish People)
F) The website claims that each serving is "as healthy as real bacon, and equivalent to 4 premium slices of bacon! You can put it on sandwiches, pizza, pastas, bacon, soups, pies, eat it hot or cold (warm Squeez Bacon® on toasted rye is to die for), substitute it for bacon in your recipes, or even eat it right out of the tube like we do! If it's edible, it's better with Squeez Bacon®." And for those trademark thieves out there, don't think you can put your bacon bits in a tube and call it Squeez Bacon CAUSE THAT SHIT IS A REGISTERED TRADEMARK, YO!
G) I have now rendered your visit to the website useless by indiscriminately cutting and pasting the entire thing here, but we'll continue:
H) The now-totally-copied-verbatim website also states, "In the immortal words of Vilhelm Lillefläsk, "Aldrig kommer att ge dig upp!" Once you get a taste of Squeez Bacon®, you'll know exactly what he meant." According to my handy Internet translator at Gramtrans.com, our ole buddy Vilhelm was trying to say, "Never come to give you up!" and even without trying Squeez Bacon(R), I think I know exactly what he meant.

I) Finally, I give you this:
Product Features
Each tube contains 21oz (595g) of Squeez Bacon®.
16 servings - equivalent to 64 slices of bacon!
Bottled in Sweden, made from U.S. bred swine.
Shelf Life of 12 years.
No refrigeration needed.
Jätte gott! (which my online translator oh-so-conveniently tells me means "Jatte well" - Live well? Eat well? Be well? Die well? WTF does Jatte mean?? I'm gonna follow up on this piece by interviewing my real live Swedish friend Bjorn Lofgren for actual translation and to get a Swede's perspective on this abomination/gift from heaven. Stay tuned for Part 2...

One more reason to leave the country

Fast food treats from around the world! Das Nurnburgers! Golden Fortunes! AND SEPTUPLET WHOPPERS!!!

Noshville or Bust

So, this was Josh's birthday lunch at Noshville on 21st in yes, Nashville, where we ate pastrami-piled-on-potato-pancake sandwiches and Monte Cristos, which for those who don't know, is a ham and turkey melt fried inside a french toast/funnel cake ball and coated with powdered sugar and my head just exploded. It was all SO GOOD, and according to the Jersey Boy, not a bad Southern rendition of a New York deli as it claims to be. The snow has blinded my brain and I can no longer type succinct sentences, so I suggest you get a map. Of my brain. And a sandwich. Because now you're hungry.

Pineapple Dick Rings

I made these for Josh's birthday party last weekend, and stole the idea from Amy Sedaris's new book "Simple Times". She calls it Crafty Candle Salad but it's obviously Pineapple Dick Rings. The key is using at least 3 pineapple rings to support your "shaft" and I encourage excessive use of whipped cream and the special touch of maraschino cherry balls. I have "you can do me in the mornin, you can do me in the night, you can do me when you wanna do me, the girl is gonna do me" stuck in my head now.

Here's Abby, Andrew and Liz demonstrating the proper way to enjoy these delicacies.