Birthday Girl Jen Rock's Frozen Tony's Pizza with Crushed Doritos and French's Yellow Mustard

Don't be jealous that you didn't get invited to this dinner party... you wouldn't be able to handle the deliciousness anyway, foodie.

Birthday girl and devout follower of EAT ME Knoxville, Jen Rock, sent in this amazing dish she made. Make it tonight as you poor one out for our favorite Knoxvillian on the day of her birth! I recently sat down with Jen and interviewed her about how she developed this totally inspiring culinarly delight.

Liz: Do it, tell me everything! Birthday girl!
Jen: I ate a personal pepperoni pizza every day in high school for two years. Every single day.
Liz: I like where this is going already. This will be a special post for your birthday.
Jen: And, I would crush up Nacho Doritos and cover it with yellow mustard. Every single day. Yeah!
Liz: Keep going....
Jen: AND, I played competitive volleyball for my highschool and a junior olympic team. never getting fat
Liz: Dang! That is an amazing feat of the human metabolism. You should probably be a competative eater.
Jen: And, to wash it all down with .... in the morning I would go to the BP across the street and get a Dr. Pepper, let it sit in my locker for 4 hours and then drink it HOT with my pizza.
Liz: Excellent. Still sounds better than my high school cafeteria...
Jen: That's my story and I'm stickin to it
Liz: But where were you going that you took this throwback dish recently? From the photos it looks like a dinner party or potluck?
Jen: At a pregnant belly painting party for my friend Meredith. She wanted trashy, pregnant food
Liz: Were the fellow guests as impressed? Did the mother-to-be indulge in it?
Jen: Doritos and ranch dressing. Yes, the second picture I sent is the Dr. Meredith McCarroll, said pregnant woman. Fellow guests were cautious, but Meredith had seconds.
Liz: Do you think her baby will be born with a little arm coming out of it's forehead now? She looked excited to indulge in it... Is she a doctor doctor or some sort of scientist of the humanities doctor?
Jen: There were also Pop Tart ice cream sandwiches provided by Morgan Fleming, a Choreographer with Circle Modern Dance.
Me: Oh wow...we need to get a picture of those too...
Jen: She is a doctor of the English language at UTK. Her baby boy was born with two normal sized arms and is perfectly healthy.
Liz: Ah, I see...well good. That is awesome to hear. I'm so happy, babys with normal sized arms are the best.
Jen: I know. Easier to pick up or something
Liz: Yeah and one day they can feed themselves dorito mustard pizza.

Yummy Delicious Not Fancy Dinner #1 or "Grape Nuts"

Not to be mistaken with an all-you-can-eat buffet, these delectable little treats are what I called 'good enuf tonite' kinda like an ex-boyfriend -- and no animals were harmed in the production of this meal, except maybe the cat I'll kick on the way home because of the hunger pains that are still lingering in my stomach.

This combo is the perfect balance of non-animal protein and zero trans fat. The grape drank of 4 Loko pairs quite incredibly with salted peanuts, also supplying my much needed daily dose of alcohol, artificial flavors, guarana, taurine, and caffeine. Now I can power through the rest of this night, so come get your beer hippies, I'm here till eleven and I will introduce thee to the power of GRAAAPPPE NUUUUTTS!!!

Day 5 of the Cuc on the Desk

The lonely yellowing cucumber. :-( I apparently opted to snack on a chocolate bar instead of this delicious fresh from the garden treat, yet again...

The Roving Cucumber...

One of these things is not like the other one, not like the other one, not like the other one...

Wine and CheezIts

From The Onion

Brown Salmon

I just found this salmon in my fridge. Taking this picture made me gag. Should I eat it?

Desk Lunch Awesome Idea #1

Yesterday, I had an awesome desk lunch. A co-worker brought in their lovely homegrown cucumbers, which I did not eat, but took one, so that it would sit on my desk and decay for a couple of weeks under a pile of papers. I bought these delicious Cheddar Bunnies at the local food co-op to fulfil my cheddary salty snack cravings and was severely disappointed, not enough salt. I'm going back to Cheez Its. Instead of my usual afternoon Coca-Cola, I decided to NOT support the brand of soda that Stacey Campfield is using as the font for his campaign and opted for the Doctor. I topped it all off with some Pringles, which were totally salty and soo soo good with some Mayfield's French Onion Dip I found in the staff fridge. Enjoy!

Loco 4 FourLoko

These are the remnants of the FourLoko popsicles I made for a party two months ago. As all foodies know, freezing your food is a great way to enjoy fresh ingredients year-round, and these delicious treats never get old. Flavors pictured include Watermelon and Fruit Punch. What kind of fruit is in the fruit punch? I don't know. You can make yours with Grape, Orange, or if you live in a state that sells TWELVE PERCENT FourLoko, lemonade or a million other flavors. Just don't make blue ones. That shit is nasty.
Luckily, Liz has some kind of scientific background in the varying properties of frozen goods, and she confirmed that neither the taste nor the alcoholic content would suffer during the freezing process. She was right, but they do take a long time to freeze - give yourself at least 24 hours prep-time prior to consuming, then suck on this.

Fresh from the Drive-Thru

For my first entree, I present my sumptuous dinner of Wendy's chili made with fresh chili beans and ground meat from my garden*, complemented by a lovely side of Saltines. Although only two packets are pictured, I was actually given five packets without even asking for them.
Despite the Infamous Chili Finger Incident, I find this dish to be delectable.




*For the purposes of this blog, "garden" can be understood to mean "God knows where"