BACON MILKSHAKES AREN'T EVEN A JOKE

So the zero people who read my post about Bacon-Flavored Effervescent Tabs might remember that my first hypothetical use for this product was Bacon Milkshakes. That was the most ridiculous idea I could dream up, just last week.
Well, lo and behold, Jack in the Box is now serving Bacon Milkshakes. I simply cannot abide by this. It's getting out of hand and making me kind of hate bacon. I want to hide my bacon at the grocery store between 10 boxes of Totino's Pizzas and distract the checkout boy while he's ringing up my bacon so he doesn't realize I'm buying bacon. I want to eat bacon in a tent in my kitchen so that even my dogs don't know I'm eating bacon. I want to brush my teeth between bites of bacon so I can forget that I'm actually eating bacon. I think I hate bacon now. It's a stupid word too. BACON. Fuck off.

See? UGH.